Chapter 1
With having ended the war and saved Nefert from herself, I decided to disappear for a while to atone for what I done to my friends and the ones I love. I was a full vampire now. During the struggle with the humans, Nyx saw fit to see my change and put a stop to the war.
I packed my stuff in my dorm room, packing away my memories. A knock came at the door. I walked across the room and opened the door; Nefert was at the door.
“Are you ready?” she asked. I looked at the room.
“Yeah,” I whispered. I picked up my suitcase and backpack, left the room and closed the door. We walked down the hall together, Nefert right beside me.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked as we walked.
“I am sure,” I said. No one knew I was leaving, the way I wanted it to be. We walked to the entrance gate. I turned to her. After I had saved her from herself, my love for her had returned.
“Contact me when you have settled down,” she said as she touched my arm.
“I will,” I said as I put on the backpack.
“I’m sorry for all the trouble I have caused. I hope, in time, you will be able to forgive me,” she said with a sad smiled. “Good luck.”
We parted ways. I went to my car, got in and drove over to my grandma’s house. I knocked on the door and she came to the door.
“So, you really are leaving, Zoey-bird. I’m going to miss you,” she said as we hugged.
“I’ll contact you once I’m settled down,” I promised. I left her house and drove away from anything I knew. I had chosen my path, ready to begin a new life.
End of chapter.
End of chapter
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140,914 Literary Works • 673,732 Reviews
have you read the book?
It was kind of confusing. I coudn't really follow it. It seemed to go by fast without much details. I couldn't picture the surroundings at all.
I think you should replace the word disappear with something more precise. Right now, the word disappear makes me think of magicians diasappearing out of thin air. It doesn't let me know that this person it leaving.
Maybe you should elaborate on the war.
The repition of 'door' kind of bothers me.
I think you should replace "stuff" with something else. Believe it or not, stuff is actually not a noun.
Other than that, it was ok. I just think you need to be a little bit more descriptive in general.
Paw